Parent Resources

The relationship between parent and child is one of the most rewarding and challenging parts of life. All parents want to have healthy, happy children, but sometimes it can be difficult to know how to help our children be healthy, happy teens. Often, parents think that when it comes to their child’s sexual decisions, their opinions don’t matter. Luckily, that’s not the case! By talking with your child, you can influence your teen to make good decisions about sex, love, and relationships.

Teens today want their parents to talk with them—and listen. Teens tell us, and studies show, that parents are the most effective teachers of sex education. It’s not merely “The Talk;” it’s an ongoing conversation. A good relationship, clear expectations, and a recurring dialogue between you and your teenager can be the most effective way of delaying his or her sexual activity and building a lasting relationship with your emerging adult.

More than "the talk.". Teens want a conversation, not a “plumbing” lecture. One teen articulated it will: "We hate the talk as much as you do. Please don't sit us down for a "sex talk." Instead, start talking with us about sex, love, and relationships when we're young, and keep the conversation going as we grow older. Making us feel comfortable and encouraging us to talk and ask questions is important, too — just make sure you listen to the answers. If you get angry or upset about our questions or ideas, we won't talk about these things with you again." (National Campaign to Prevent Teen Pregnancy)

Your relationship matters. Teens who have a warm, involved, and satisfying relationship with their parents are more likely to do well in school, have better social skills, and have lower rates of sexual activity.

Teens want clear direction. The odds of engaging in sex were 6.3 times higher when the teens believed their mother did not disapprove. If there wasn’t a close relationship and the teen thought the mother didn't care, the odds of the teen engaging in sexual activity was 17.1 times higher! Set clear standards for your teen and let him or her know there will be consequences if the standards are violated. Finally, be consistent and follow-through on the consequences.

Monitoring and Awareness. Parents who know about their children’s activities, friends, and behaviors, and monitor them in age-appropriate ways (this is the challenge), have teens with lower rates of risky physical and sexual behaviors, as well as lower rates of drug, alcohol, and tobacco use than their peers. Monitor your teen’s activities. Know where your teen is and double-check on what your teen says—don’t be naïve (“He’s a good kid. I’m sure he knows –and does– what is best.”) Teens who perceive that their parents are taking on this monitoring role are more likely to do well academically and socially as well.

Modeling. What you do is more important than what you say. If you engage in risky
behavior, your teen will likely follow your example. For instance, make sure you monitor the access to alcohol in your home. It is also wise to assess your own alcohol usage to see if it is within safe norms, e.g., don't drink and drive. At appropriate times, consider having a discussion with your child about why alcohol usage in moderation is for adults only.

Sources: Child Trends; National Add Health Study; Journal of Adolescent Health, 31, 59-69; Journal of Health and Social Behavior, 39, 237-253; Journal of Adolescent & Family Health, (Summer 2001, Vol. 2, No. 3, and Vol. 3, No. 1); and the National Campaign to Prevent Teen Pregnancy.

Visiting our parent site www.talktothem.org will give you the necessary tools for beginning the conversation with your child. Then, it’s up to you. Remember, a less-than-perfect attempt to communicate with your child is better than not talking at all.